Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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