omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
