I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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