Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize