He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
the liver wants what the liver wants
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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