Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
