im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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