so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
