Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize