The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
