It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
