Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize