just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
