Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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