I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
