You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
