He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
