"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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