I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
