My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize