did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
