Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Floor bacon is actually really good
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