i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
