Non-Jews are for practice
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
