she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
zippers are such a cool invention
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
