maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
