His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize