If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
