I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
