i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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