I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
