I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
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