So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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