My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize