Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
