Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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