thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
