Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
