The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
