Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
