the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
