I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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