Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
