Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
