You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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