Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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