I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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