just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
this hospital has no fireball
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
