ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Of course I have a pirate flag
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
