Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
What drink are we having for lunch?
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
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