We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
