Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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