i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
