Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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