When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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