I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
