we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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