Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
