well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
