she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
