i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Randomize
