Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
