Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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