there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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