Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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