In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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