I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Two words: nipple clamps
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