Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
