I think my vagina is haunted
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
