i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
