i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
