Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
